Here is a letter I want to share with all. This is a letter that Derek wrote 4 months before he left us. This letter has given me hope, confort and peace. Hope it does the same for all who knew him. He is not gone! He has just gone to a better place. A place we hope we all will go one day. The day when God call us to meet with him. I love you sweetie. My precious Angel!!!! Love, Mom. I miss you dearly!!!!!!!! Even though, my heart is torned in pieces, I am very proud and happy for you!
In my heart 6/27/01 2:45am
This is my story..
I grew up well and feel I have had a wonderful life with my family, but ever since I became a teenager life has gotten much more complicated from love to drugs to depression. Ive always felt like my family loves and cares about me and in my heart I believe they do. Yet I am the misfit of the family. I began listening to hard, heavy, and dark music. The clothes I wear some would say its for fashion or to be cool but from my point of view it is for comfort.
Not a single one of my friends hasnt smoked pot and its sad, one friends has basically become brain dead from it. Others do it for fun, some to be cool, with me when I do it which isnt often it is just to have a good time. I have quit doing it since it is very stupid to fry my brain in that way. I want so much out of life! In a way it seems that Drugs are a part of anyones life whether they want to admit it or not. My friends are basically the types of people you expect to be unhappy pathetic shells of beings but in fact as you become to know them more you understand they are deeply souled. Through Gods will and if I can help it in Gods name those deeply souls will be save. One friend doesnt care about what people think and he does what ever he wants whether he will get joked on and I commend him on that. One friend is a very smart person but he let drugs invade his life and now he has not a drop of common sense. One of my best friends has real decency. He is there to help you if you are in trouble and he has his own way of doing things and he dont care if any thinks otherwise. My friends and family are the biggest part of my life.
The other big part of my life would be music. Whether its playing music or listening to it helps me when Im depressed if Im bored whatever the case is I will always have music and no one cant take that away from me.. When I am depressed, I find that the soothing yet deep meaningful lyrics of Trent Reznor and nine inch nails have helped me get threw some hard times After listening to his music about love and religion it has made me think about a lot of stuff in a whole other way.
For basically my whole life I was scared I would go to hell and not heaven, and I believe that is a huge part of what is wrong with people. I know and I have been told by Jesus that I will be in heaven soon. I am not afraid anymore. We are brought up to believe in a certain belief and you are scared of the out come. In the case of Christianity, you are brought up to worship God and his son Jesus Christ. You are expected to live your life to certain rules and at the end of your life you will be judged to see if you broke these rules. If you did in fact break these rules you will be sent to a fiery pit for eternity, unless you beg for forgiveness to a man in the sky. I have beg for that forgiveness. Personally, I believe that is complete bullshit!!!.. Jesus died for us to save us all. We will all one day go to heaven and we will all see each other again. I dont believe that a person should have to live in fear his whole life that if he slips up he should have to beg for forgiveness, that is bullshit! Jesus has saved us all.
I believe that everyone should live their life the way they want without fear of anyone. Another thing wrong with religion is church. Organized religion as Jesse Ventura said is A crutch for the weak minded. A person who dont know how he she feel on a subject goes to a man and asks him what to think and what ever that man says he believes in it. Jesus is all churches! No matter which church you go to.
In the case of where I live, Huntsville Alabama. We recently had a statewide vote on whether Alabama should have an educational lottery, which would benefit the schools of our youth. Well many people ran to their pastors and priests whatever, and those people told them that a lottery was gambling and it was wrong and immoral, yet these same churches that said these things hold bingo nights where people bet their money to try and win money but why only because the churches benefit from it. Our youth needs all the help they can get. Hmmmm sounds hypocritical if you ask me.
If the lottery would have benefited churches do you think wed have a lottery right now?
Of course! I think that it is fine that a person believes in something, Im not trying to say everyone should feel the same way. I think that its fine if your Christian Im not going to try and change your beliefs like so many other Christians. God puts you on a life long mission to change or conform people to believing in your beliefs and if they dont than they are wrong. Now that is major bullshit! God loves us all as his children. Therefore, we are all saved. He did not die in vain. Nor will I.
A few weeks ago right before timothy McVeigh was put to death many people went around saying An eye for and eye like it states in the bible, well yes it does say that but you cannot use that to convict a man and sentence him to death. What if this man did not believe in the bible well is that his fault should he die just because thats what it says in the bible? NO he should die because a jury thought his crime was punishable by death. If you were to ask me what I believe? I really dont know. That is a part of me that I am confused. God is going to help me soon understand confusion in life and this world we all live in. In a way I do believe that there is a God because so many people are helped out in so many ways that are unexplainable because they pray to GOD for help, but I also believe in the theory of evolution. God has helped me in ways that no one will ever know. Only me. There are so many facts of evolution and there is no proof of GOD creating this world. The onlyproof I have found is in the Bible, which was written by Jesus disciples. So I would say Im mixed on that topic. But I know that God is helping me understand my confusion and when I understand this confusion, He has told me I will be call to a much better world. It is scary in a way, but I am ready. I know I wont be afraid anymore.
        Just recently I fell in love to a girl I thought I loved. Well I come to find out she lied to me. So it makes me wonder if a person really can love if he can have such strong emotions for a person and then totally change. I thank my mother for helping me get through this one. I felt so bad to wake her up late in the am. She was there for me. I love her and always will. I know I have made some terrible mistakes in my short life, but my parents where there and they helped me understand to pick up my life again. I am doing that.
        As I mentioned earlier, my family does love me I feel and I in return I love them. My mother which has given me advice and helped me by giving me advice and love. She was the main person I could talk to when I was young, but now as I have grown I feel and so does she that we have grown apart more, but in my mind I feel we are still closely bonded. We are and never be apart. Mom, I love you!!!!
Since I am a guy I just cant talk to her about a lot of stuff anymore. My father has been the main person to discipline me so has my mother in her own way. I know she hated disciplining me. I can see her pain. But she did it because she loves me and I love her too. She always wanted what was best for me and Steven. What a mother! Best ever!!!!!
As for my Father, for years I couldnt really grow a strong bond with him like I have with my mom. When they got divorced I strangely grew closer to him even though he wasnt living with us anymore. I feel no longer scared of him as I did in my childhood. I feel like I can talk to him about anything. He was the one who supported me and really believed in me when I began playing the guitar not saying my mom didnt believe in me even though when I first got the guitar she said id never play it. My dad and mom believes in me so much and I want to show them I have succeeded in doing so. I love my dad also. Even though he might not think so. I always did listen to his advise. I know he might not think I did, but in my own way, I always did listen when he talked to me. I was so quiet, but that is me.
My brother if not for him I would still say random stupid stuff. As a child when I would speak without thinking he would make me regret it. Yes I hated him for doing so but it helped me out in the long run. He can be an asshole a lot but ive learned to just deal with it and leave him alone when he is. I love him so much. I know he loves me too. 3:24 am BY DEREK JONES "DJ"
       
In my heart 6/27/01 2:45am
This is my story..
I grew up well and feel I have had a wonderful life with my family, but ever since I became a teenager life has gotten much more complicated from love to drugs to depression. Ive always felt like my family loves and cares about me and in my heart I believe they do. Yet I am the misfit of the family. I began listening to hard, heavy, and dark music. The clothes I wear some would say its for fashion or to be cool but from my point of view it is for comfort.
Not a single one of my friends hasnt smoked pot and its sad, one friends has basically become brain dead from it. Others do it for fun, some to be cool, with me when I do it which isnt often it is just to have a good time. I have quit doing it since it is very stupid to fry my brain in that way. I want so much out of life! In a way it seems that Drugs are a part of anyones life whether they want to admit it or not. My friends are basically the types of people you expect to be unhappy pathetic shells of beings but in fact as you become to know them more you understand they are deeply souled. Through Gods will and if I can help it in Gods name those deeply souls will be save. One friend doesnt care about what people think and he does what ever he wants whether he will get joked on and I commend him on that. One friend is a very smart person but he let drugs invade his life and now he has not a drop of common sense. One of my best friends has real decency. He is there to help you if you are in trouble and he has his own way of doing things and he dont care if any thinks otherwise. My friends and family are the biggest part of my life.
The other big part of my life would be music. Whether its playing music or listening to it helps me when Im depressed if Im bored whatever the case is I will always have music and no one cant take that away from me.. When I am depressed, I find that the soothing yet deep meaningful lyrics of Trent Reznor and nine inch nails have helped me get threw some hard times After listening to his music about love and religion it has made me think about a lot of stuff in a whole other way.
For basically my whole life I was scared I would go to hell and not heaven, and I believe that is a huge part of what is wrong with people. I know and I have been told by Jesus that I will be in heaven soon. I am not afraid anymore. We are brought up to believe in a certain belief and you are scared of the out come. In the case of Christianity, you are brought up to worship God and his son Jesus Christ. You are expected to live your life to certain rules and at the end of your life you will be judged to see if you broke these rules. If you did in fact break these rules you will be sent to a fiery pit for eternity, unless you beg for forgiveness to a man in the sky. I have beg for that forgiveness. Personally, I believe that is complete bullshit!!!.. Jesus died for us to save us all. We will all one day go to heaven and we will all see each other again. I dont believe that a person should have to live in fear his whole life that if he slips up he should have to beg for forgiveness, that is bullshit! Jesus has saved us all.
I believe that everyone should live their life the way they want without fear of anyone. Another thing wrong with religion is church. Organized religion as Jesse Ventura said is A crutch for the weak minded. A person who dont know how he she feel on a subject goes to a man and asks him what to think and what ever that man says he believes in it. Jesus is all churches! No matter which church you go to.
In the case of where I live, Huntsville Alabama. We recently had a statewide vote on whether Alabama should have an educational lottery, which would benefit the schools of our youth. Well many people ran to their pastors and priests whatever, and those people told them that a lottery was gambling and it was wrong and immoral, yet these same churches that said these things hold bingo nights where people bet their money to try and win money but why only because the churches benefit from it. Our youth needs all the help they can get. Hmmmm sounds hypocritical if you ask me.
If the lottery would have benefited churches do you think wed have a lottery right now?
Of course! I think that it is fine that a person believes in something, Im not trying to say everyone should feel the same way. I think that its fine if your Christian Im not going to try and change your beliefs like so many other Christians. God puts you on a life long mission to change or conform people to believing in your beliefs and if they dont than they are wrong. Now that is major bullshit! God loves us all as his children. Therefore, we are all saved. He did not die in vain. Nor will I.
A few weeks ago right before timothy McVeigh was put to death many people went around saying An eye for and eye like it states in the bible, well yes it does say that but you cannot use that to convict a man and sentence him to death. What if this man did not believe in the bible well is that his fault should he die just because thats what it says in the bible? NO he should die because a jury thought his crime was punishable by death. If you were to ask me what I believe? I really dont know. That is a part of me that I am confused. God is going to help me soon understand confusion in life and this world we all live in. In a way I do believe that there is a God because so many people are helped out in so many ways that are unexplainable because they pray to GOD for help, but I also believe in the theory of evolution. God has helped me in ways that no one will ever know. Only me. There are so many facts of evolution and there is no proof of GOD creating this world. The onlyproof I have found is in the Bible, which was written by Jesus disciples. So I would say Im mixed on that topic. But I know that God is helping me understand my confusion and when I understand this confusion, He has told me I will be call to a much better world. It is scary in a way, but I am ready. I know I wont be afraid anymore.
        Just recently I fell in love to a girl I thought I loved. Well I come to find out she lied to me. So it makes me wonder if a person really can love if he can have such strong emotions for a person and then totally change. I thank my mother for helping me get through this one. I felt so bad to wake her up late in the am. She was there for me. I love her and always will. I know I have made some terrible mistakes in my short life, but my parents where there and they helped me understand to pick up my life again. I am doing that.
        As I mentioned earlier, my family does love me I feel and I in return I love them. My mother which has given me advice and helped me by giving me advice and love. She was the main person I could talk to when I was young, but now as I have grown I feel and so does she that we have grown apart more, but in my mind I feel we are still closely bonded. We are and never be apart. Mom, I love you!!!!
Since I am a guy I just cant talk to her about a lot of stuff anymore. My father has been the main person to discipline me so has my mother in her own way. I know she hated disciplining me. I can see her pain. But she did it because she loves me and I love her too. She always wanted what was best for me and Steven. What a mother! Best ever!!!!!
As for my Father, for years I couldnt really grow a strong bond with him like I have with my mom. When they got divorced I strangely grew closer to him even though he wasnt living with us anymore. I feel no longer scared of him as I did in my childhood. I feel like I can talk to him about anything. He was the one who supported me and really believed in me when I began playing the guitar not saying my mom didnt believe in me even though when I first got the guitar she said id never play it. My dad and mom believes in me so much and I want to show them I have succeeded in doing so. I love my dad also. Even though he might not think so. I always did listen to his advise. I know he might not think I did, but in my own way, I always did listen when he talked to me. I was so quiet, but that is me.
My brother if not for him I would still say random stupid stuff. As a child when I would speak without thinking he would make me regret it. Yes I hated him for doing so but it helped me out in the long run. He can be an asshole a lot but ive learned to just deal with it and leave him alone when he is. I love him so much. I know he loves me too. 3:24 am BY DEREK JONES "DJ"
       


